How much sugar do you want in your coffee Joel? Two please “Sirens” “Get to the bat wings” screams Richard, down the fireman poles they go, they clip up their backpacks and are ready to go. Joel leads the way “where is the fire?” asks Steve. Apparently in a tower of some sort “over there!” Steve says.They fly up “I’ll grab the baby” says Steve. Ok I’ll rescue the woman says Joel Once Joel and Steve were gone Richard got his axe out and started freeing the trapped woman. Once everyone was JEAN!!! Wake up get ready for school!
By Kynan
Good storyline! But I think you should have put an elipsis (...) in "Once everyone was JEAN!!!" making it "Once everyone was...JEAN!!!" ~Ryan Brash
ReplyDeleteYour story was amazing I think you don't need any improving. Rawiri Ni Mitchell
ReplyDeleteGreat work Kynan I like how you used a lot of punctuation. Sam Currin
ReplyDeleteThis is good but don't use lots of full stops when you don't need to
ReplyDeletemac
Hi Kynan your stroy was good but it was just to fast for example frist it was about coffee then sirens and then backpacks the the fires the babies then a dream.
ReplyDeletefrom Vannary
* Sorry story
ReplyDelete