Mary
woke to the sound of her baby screaming. As she took a deep breath she inhaled
thick smoke and fell to the ground. She clambered to her feet, coughing and
choking she ran to the balcony. When she stepped outside with shock she realised
her baby was still inside she rushed into the burning building only to see her
terrified child was wedged underneath a fallen bookcase gasping for air. The celling sagged and was ready to
collapse at any second she snatched up her baby and ran to the balcony. She
handed her baby to the firemen, as she looked back the room was engulfed in
flames.
Zoe
I really liked it but you could use some more punctuation. Amber N and Sophia
ReplyDeleteawsome work zoe/page
ReplyDeletereally good writing Zoe your language in it was so so so good. I am always interested in what you have to show. If you could keep on writing what would happen next. GOOD JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteJasmine.
Great job! I can't see much to improve, but maybe proof read it again. (you put celling instead of ceiling) ~Ryan Brash
ReplyDeleteNice Story Zoe. I enjoyed your story. I can picture the image in my head. Can you describe Mary, so I could picture her?
ReplyDelete