The sun sparkled in the horizon like a satin ribbon wrapped around a special parcel.
The dull light of the sun illuminated everything in a way I’d never seen them before.
Once reached, My mates and I leapt out of the jeep at a halt.
I examined my surroundings, It took my breath away.
We continued on our journey throughout the journey as we clambered over the rocks, a ripped piece of paper was wedged into the rocks.
It was a map, on the map was an X, we carried on our journey.
Finally we found it, X marks the spot.
By Caitlin
Wednesday, April 22, 2015
Caitlin - The Journey
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Hi Caitlin, you've thought carefully about your use of the prompt and I like the fact that you are appreciating your surroundings as you continue your holiday / journey. Try to be consistent with your imagery though - 'the sun sparkled,' 'the dull light of the sun'. Once reached - you've not mentioned where or what you reached?
ReplyDeleteCan I also suggest that instead of using 'journey' so often, you might have found a synonym? Try a thesaurus or this site: http://www.thesaurus.com/browse/journey to keep the readers interest up.
I hope to read more of your work as you are obviously a writer who is not only sharing your own ideas, but also considering your audience.
Thanks for sharing,
Jackie
New Plymouth
New Zealand
PS Caitlin, would you please applaud your teacher for me? Because he / she is encouraging such good writers, I think they are obviously passionate about reading and writing and this is being transferred to you all.
ReplyDeleteJackie