The muddy trenches are dark at night and
I fell so lonely without the comforting of my family back in England, I can
only dream of warm fires and a cosy house. As I sit here longing for the day we
go home. The morning soon arrives and I can soon hear the sound of guns firing
and men screaming as one by one the soldiers go down.
I have to start digging the holes for men
that have been murdered for being innocent. ‘X marks the spot.’ Yells one of the
sergeants I look around confused and soon realises what he means. The white crosses
around the fields. I dig a hole and stand in silence.
By Chavawn
Ooh Chavawn, your interpretation of this prompt is just perfect for this time in our NZ heads and hearts. We have read and viewed so much about war recently and you have captured the emotion of one soldier's experience so very well.
ReplyDeleteI'd like you to read your work aloud though. You will find that there are punctuation errors that disrupt the readers attention a little:
The muddy trenches are dark at night and I FEEL so lonely without the comfort(ing) of my family back in England.
This should have a full stop, as your next sentence does, to provide two punchy sentences to draw the reader into the situation. Your next sentence though needs a comma:
As I sit here longing for the day we go home, the morning soon arrives and I can soon hear the sound of guns firing and men screaming as one by one the soldiers go down.
Your final paragraph really hits home - the X being the crosses marking the graves. A very powerful piece of writing Chavawn. Thanks you so much for sharing.
One last thought, would you consider changing your font? I found it really difficult to read and your excellent writing deserves to be read clearly and concisely.
Jackie
New Plymouth
New Zealand