I
quietly sat uncomfortably on our itchy rug trying to block my ears from the
noise. It was New Year’s Eve and everyone was shouting out numbers from 10 to 1
for some reason, suddenly there was a bang it sounded like someone was shooting
at us the noise was deafening! I looked at my mother for some comfort but she didn’t even notice
me, she was staring mesmerized at the sky. I slowly lifted my eyelashes to see what
she was so transfixed by. It was the most beautiful scene I had ever seen! Showers of pink and all different colours started
to fall onto us like snowflakes at Christmas.
By Anna
Good story Anna like how you have descriptive words.
ReplyDeleteBy Dom b.i.s
nice descriptive language and great punctuation :)
ReplyDeletefrom erana
I like your hook but maybe next time try add some deeper features like a metaphor ect
ReplyDeleteFrom your buddy Connor F
I like how you said your mum was staring mesmerised into the sky. I also like how you said in the next sentence after that that you slowly lifted your eyelashes to see what your mum was so transfixed by, it was the most beautiful scene you had ever seen showers of pink and different colours started to fall on us, it was a really descriptive line it really hooked me in I don't think that there is anything that you need to work on I can't wait to read more.
ReplyDeleteFrom your buddy Leah Valley School.