Monday, September 7, 2015

Brodie - The Box

I woke up.The noise was deafening, like a srecing sound.I was in a black Iron cage, and I was going up and up and up………  There were wooden crates around me with labels saying (FOOD) and others with (WATER). All I could remember  was my name… Johnny


The Box/cage was slowing down and then stopped. A crate of water landed on me and knock me out…….

“Yo dude, what’s your name” said a tall but then teenager with black hair. I looked up, I  was on the top of a tall sky tower. “It’s  Johnny”

By Brodie

5 comments:

  1. nice story Brodie I like the idea it was great next time kind of make it into one story instead of paragraphs.

    By Ben Mercer Broadgreen Intermediate School Nelson

    ReplyDelete
  2. nice story Brodie i like how you changed your your place
    from luke rm 11

    ReplyDelete
  3. good punctuations and pargraph


    By Dom room11

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  4. I found that this part in your story did not make sense this is what it is, said a tall but then teenager with black hair.
    I have a mate who said the start was like maze runner.
    By josh
    Otautau school.nz

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  5. I like how you described the black iron cage.the second last sentence didn't make sense

    ReplyDelete