Today is the day for my class trip to see a chocolate factory.
We have all been waiting for this trip for ages and now it’s finally here.
We line up outside the school waiting for the bus to arrive, when it’s here we line up in twos and get on the bus.
There is a mad rush for the back seat, so I just sit wherever. When we arrive everyone is rushing out the door and we wait at the gates.
Moments pass and finally a guide is here to take us through the factory. Looking at all that chocolate just made my mouth water, I couldn’t resist so I took one piece and…
By Ruby
kia ora ruby
ReplyDeletethat is a cliff hanger ending I wonder what happenes next.
maybe next time add more interesting words.
nikita broadgreen intermediate
I like your story. Going to the chocolate factory sound fun
ReplyDeleteby Adam
Hi Ruby,
ReplyDeleteWhat a good ending.
Can you please next time put a simile in your story.
What have you been doing this week.
From Emily
Great story Ruby!
ReplyDeleteI loved the way you ended on a cliff-hanger, it made me want to read more and more!
From Anna
Such a great story it really hooks me in and I want to read more.
ReplyDeleteKeep up the great work.
;)