Come in come in, said the fish and chip shop man, come and try our new flying chips, there not to sweet and I don't lie. I walked in to see 10 rows of flying chips. I was so amazed with them in their little cages so I brought a bag full of them for tea, it took a while for them to fly (fry) but once I got them they were the best chips I had ever eaten in my life. When I got home my parents asked where I had been and I said “I was getting flying chips” and the raced to the shop….
By Maclaren
You should've put speech marks on the first line, between 'Come in come in.'
ReplyDelete~Ryan B
The last sentence doesn't make sense (and the raced to the shop...) By Kynan
ReplyDeleteremember to underline or highlight youre main words
ReplyDeletesam carter
Nice story Maclaren the only thing bad is fly [fry] you made it look like a mistake
ReplyDeleteFrom Sam
ReplyDeleteI liked this but some of it does not make any sense.. check your spelling next time and re-read your story aswell before you send it.
ReplyDeleteYour fellow class mates Jasmine and Charlotte :)
Hi Maclaren, remember to make sure your story makes sense (e.g. and the raced to the shop…. Should be something like and then they raced to the shop...). also an Ellipsis should only be three dots instead of four.
ReplyDelete- Danny