Eva slushed through the algid pearl
white snow. Rain was cascading down from the dark grey sky like a fountain. Her
blonde hair was all matted and dripping with water. She sighed, when are we
going to get some good weather around here Eva thought. Suddenly there was a
flash of lightning and everything stopped. The sky’s grey clouds had parted to
show a captivating and mesmerizing sunset. The clouds all pated to the sides
could have been mistaken for colossal fluffy marshmallows scattered like a
flock of sheep. The sky was an array of pink red orange and purple while the
pale moon peeked shyly at her.
By Anna Sawyer
I loved how you said "Eva slushed through the Algid pearl white snow" and I do not think there is anything you need to work on.
ReplyDeleteFrom your buddy Leah
Valley School.
There are a couple of sentences that don't make sense and some punctuation needs placing, but apart from that, this a great story Anna!! Good descriptive language!!
ReplyDeleteThis was a great story, But you had a few adjectives that were not needed in a few sentences. Good work.
ReplyDelete