Two very keen hikers were out hiking one day in pine forests of Canada it was very dark and scary because it was nighttime and they were camping on the outside of a dark dark cave the dark cave looked very spooky and when one of the hikers woke up the other hiker was seriously injured in the arm it looked like a bear scratch the hiker that didn't get hurt went the cave to see what was in there and went 100metres in the cave and he found a fluffy brown blanket but it wasn't it was a big brown bear and it killed the guy and 1:00 hour later the other guy was dead because he committed suicide and on the news it said two men died from a brown bear.
By Ben
I like How you said they found a fluffy brown blanket, but it wasn't. I also like all your adjectives but maybe use a little bit of speech to add impact.
ReplyDeleteFrom Andrew valley primary school.
This is a fantastic story I like the way that you wrote two me died from a brown bear next time you could put full stops in your story but over all it was a good story
ReplyDeleteToko Valley school