As I looked through the shiny glass window, I could just see my reflection shining at me. But there was something else I was looking at. Something wonderful. The biggest toy train in the world. Going along a miniature train track whilst little toy trains hovered above the train track. I was egger to get inside, but the doors were locked. The shops were closed. My toy train, stuck in side whilst I freeze out here in the cold. As I waited for someone to notice me out in the snow. I realised that my mother was calling me. It was time to go home.
By Chavawn
Well done Chavawn! I love descriptive language! Next time work on making it really exciting! Well done! ~Zena! :)
ReplyDeletegood
ReplyDeletewriting
Great work Chavy. I love the way you said egger to get inside and the descriptive language you used. next time you could work on having a better ending that leaves the reader wanting to read more.
ReplyDelete~ Anna Sawyer room11 LOL
Hi Chavawn,
ReplyDeleteI really like how you said I could just see my reflection shining at me it added alot of imapact
Next time try to use some more descriptive words
Aaliyah (valley school)
Hey Chavawn,
ReplyDeleteI love all the descriptive language! I also loved the short sentences for impact. Very, very awesome story. Absolutely love that story!! I really liked the ending. Perfect amount of descriptive language.
From Sadie :-)