There was once a little kid named Tom and he was really into toys a specially Christmasy toys he really wanted to get the ultra rear big Santa toy only found in the Harley's toy shop so at 6:30 in the morning he went to the store with his mummy and went and lined up for about 3 hours until the shop opened and straight away he zoomed into the shop to find it and he did the ultra rear big Santa toy or the urbst he bought it for about 1'000 pounds when he got home found out that it could talk and walk but in a year it broke because he accidentally dropped it.
By Ben
I really like how you said the boy zoomed into the shop and the start of the story because it hooked me in but try to use some more fullstops in your story.
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