It was morning. One of the best mornings of the year. Easter! I excitedly jumped out of bed the condensation on the windows blocked my view of the day, but I could tell that the day was sure to be cold. I soon made my way outside only to discover a huge, chocolate, bunny. It’s shiny, colourful tinfoil made the rays form the sun shine into my eyes. But that didn’t matter. I rushed to go get it, only to discover that the chocolate rabbit had melted in the sun . But I still ate it!
By Chavawn
Hi Chavawn, Sadie from Otautau School here. I absolutly love that story. I like how you describes the chocolate bunny and the tinfoil. I also like the short sentences for impact. I don't think you need to change anything, I think it's perfect. Well done it was a great story!! :-)
ReplyDeleteHi Chavawn,I really like how you described the tinfoil. I also liked how you said "I rushed to go get it, only to discover that the chocolate rabbit had melted in the sun . But I still ate it!" it added alot of impact. Your story is perfect just the way it is.
ReplyDeleteAaliyah (Valley school room 4)