Wednesday, June 10, 2015

Chavawn - the long walk

As I was walking up the pale concrete steeps. I slipped on brown mud. My feet sunk into the mud, I quickly pulled them out with all my might before they got stuck in there. I carried on walking along the road when I was stoped at a crossing; I waited, and then crossed the road. When I finally made my way home I saw my mum standing at the door. She asked me to carry some groceries in so I did. Man they were heavy. When I got inside I placed them on the kitchen floor then walked to my room.
By chavawn

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2 comments:

  1. AnonymousJune 10, 2015 at 2:09 PM

    I liked how you said "Man they were heavy" it added a lot of impact.
    I liked your starting Shaven it was very interesting to read.

    Aaliyah (Valley School) : )

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  2. AnonymousJune 16, 2015 at 4:29 PM

    Nice story Chavawn nice Descriptive language next time though use a bit more and then it will be perfect.

    By Ben Mercer Broadgreen Intermediate School Nelson

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