She stood at the foot of the staircase pondering on whether or not to step forward. Her curiosity took over and hesitantly she began her journey always nearing the sky. After walking all mourning her heart was pounding in her chest and her breath was hoarse and dry. In desperation she lifted her head but nothing could prepare her for what she was about to see. She looked over a valley of rolling hills and raging rivers and in the distance she could she an orchard and trail of smoke which lead her to a cottage covered in ivy. She took a deep breath and started the next part of her journey.
By Zoe
I love your language used in your story you always know how to pull the reader in.
ReplyDeletefrom scarlett
Great choice of words, but the sentence 'After walking all mourning -' doesn't quite make sense. If you were trying to say she was in mourning (sadness) it might've been better to say 'She was in mourning, and -' otherwise you should've said 'After walking all morning-'
ReplyDelete~ Ryan B
Nice Story Zoe
ReplyDeleteWell done Zoe this is a great story. You have used lots of great vocabulary and your descriptions are excellent. Your story really grabs the attention of the reader and I was sorry that the story was over so soon. I'd love to know what happens next.
ReplyDeleteKeep up the great work.
Ms Brennock
Team 100 w/c
https://msbrennocksclass.100wc.net/
Zoe, this is an excellent piece of writing and you are using your skill of descriptive writing well. Kepp up th egreat work. Mrs P
ReplyDelete